So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
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