You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
