Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
