You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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