I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
