my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
