oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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