So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
