a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
