Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he was CRYING into my vagina
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
