Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We're too hungover to prance.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
