if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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