just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
