I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
