i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
