Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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