Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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