You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
