So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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