How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
