Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
