btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
