Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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