apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You took a bar mat shot.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
