the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
