so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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