yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
