Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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