I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
