And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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