then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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