Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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