Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
