You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
