I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
