I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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