My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
