I'm so fucking centered right now
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Boobs speak an international language.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
