How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It's Friday. Sex?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
