if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
