this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
