he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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