Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
