I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
