I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
