I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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