think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
