Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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