Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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