we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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