I got chris browned last night
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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