I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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